1. High rank betting success strategies for NBA referees.
2. IRS guide to successful tax evasion and offshore accounts.
3. The mayor's guide to sidewalk begging and off track betting.
4. How to best grab a good feel in a crowded subway car without getting caught.
5. Starbucks internal manual for world domination.
6. GM guide to building better cars.
7. How to cheat on your spouse and get away with it, by Bill Clinton.
8. NRA best urban weapons guide.
9. Scientific proof that smoking causes cancer.
10. The real ingredients in the big mac's secret sauce.
11. Texaco's invention of a perpetual motion engine.
12. Pfizer guide to better sex without drugs.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Nine ways to make visits to the zoo more interesting
1. Let the lions out five minutes before closing... to help speed up the process.
2. Put the Kennedy family into a cage (electrified fence off course).
3. Let children and teens cuddle the cute pandas.
4. Open a Vegas style animal themed casino and strip mall next to the restaurant.
5. Give away free beer, just like they do at baseball games.
6. Lower the price of a hot dog to five dollars.
7. Erect a giant Steve Irwin statue in the middle of the shark tank.
8. New contest: find the missing wild animal.
9. You like him, you got him - the take it home with you zoo.
2. Put the Kennedy family into a cage (electrified fence off course).
3. Let children and teens cuddle the cute pandas.
4. Open a Vegas style animal themed casino and strip mall next to the restaurant.
5. Give away free beer, just like they do at baseball games.
6. Lower the price of a hot dog to five dollars.
7. Erect a giant Steve Irwin statue in the middle of the shark tank.
8. New contest: find the missing wild animal.
9. You like him, you got him - the take it home with you zoo.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Good things about living out of a suitcase.
1. Ready to go to astronaut school as soon as NASA calls.
2. No one believes the ex-wife's story that I kicked *her* out of the house.
3. Passers-by generously offer me quarters for the subway.
4. Having a change of clothes nearby is always handy in case of major ketchup or taco spills.
5. Always ready to drop in at the Holiday Inn and use my frequent visitor card which gives three free pankakes with full breakfast order.
6. Can keep extra set of underwear nearby, without having to answer a hundred questions.
7. No worries about having to pay any more out of state speeding fines.
8. All I need is a luggage cart to move accross town - which saves money on renting uhauls.
9. Suitcase serves as a comfy back rest for spending hours just sitting at the side of the road.
10. Can take advantage of little known loophole in tax laws to avoid paying any capital gains taxes.
2. No one believes the ex-wife's story that I kicked *her* out of the house.
3. Passers-by generously offer me quarters for the subway.
4. Having a change of clothes nearby is always handy in case of major ketchup or taco spills.
5. Always ready to drop in at the Holiday Inn and use my frequent visitor card which gives three free pankakes with full breakfast order.
6. Can keep extra set of underwear nearby, without having to answer a hundred questions.
7. No worries about having to pay any more out of state speeding fines.
8. All I need is a luggage cart to move accross town - which saves money on renting uhauls.
9. Suitcase serves as a comfy back rest for spending hours just sitting at the side of the road.
10. Can take advantage of little known loophole in tax laws to avoid paying any capital gains taxes.
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