Patrick Swayze and ugly guy: SNL sketch

This is a 2008 updation of original SNL dirty dancing skit played by Swayze and Chris Farley, and shows Patrick in his life as a beautiful man, whilst his buddy - the ugly guy, has a completely opposite experience. Patrick gets all the attention of the lovely ladies and more, while the ugly guy gets dirt in his face. The irony of it is that Patrick has recently been ill and fighting for his life, so little cracks can been seen to be emerging in the picture of perfection.

As we all know, Patrick Swayze recently came out of a California research hospital after successful cancer treatment, and has even resumed his acting profession. But we can see his real life as far from perfect, and actually how lucky he is just to be alive. Before the cancer his was a life a perfection with women swooning at his feet, and was considered by women to be one of the most sexy men on the screen.

In this sketch Patrick plays himself today, true to life - a middle-aged man weakened by his serious illness, unflat stomach, and far from pumped and ripped than his usual on screen image.
There is also a generic ugly guy ( insert the author here, or but since he can't act to save his life, insert Adam Sander or David Spade for example), and lots of hot women - there to chase after Patrick. The women don't need much acting skills, just look hot and have an ablity to flirt.

There are three significant woman parts in the sketch: a cab driver, a cop and a pilot. Note the travel theme as this plays out over several locations which make up an important journey. Patrick and the ugly guy are both dressed nerdly, shirts, hanging out, covering stomaches, not looking cool, yet the humor comes from the fact that everything is different for Patrick since he is... well you know... a hot man.

The sketch covers a collection of various locations, with Patrick and the ugly guy together doing exactly the same things, yet their experiences are totally opposite - only because
Patrick is beautiful, and well, um... the ugly guy is not. Nuff said, you get the point.

This is like a sketch in which Eddie Murphy played a white guy, and how everything was so different from his actual life. As a white man, he gets onto a bus, and the driver says its free, then the passengers party when the last black guy gets off the bus. Next he walks into a bank, intending to take out a small loan, but instead the manager hands him a suitcase full of cash... here take it, no need for paperwork. Then he walks over to a newspaper stand, and the man hands him a free newspaper. We white people, know that these things aren't true, but it shows how the world can look different for just the tiniest superficial change.

Here we play off the good vs ugly looking. The author here is not good looking, so can only imagine what happens differently to good looking people: "Not even eye contact" is the old saying. Maybe its an exaggeration, like the story I will play below.

Side note: Can some good looking people let me know how close this is to reality.

The sketch starts with Patrick and, ... well lets just call him ugly, going on vacation together to Hawaii. They are best buddies having living together, sharing friends, a kitchen, and having very similar lifestyles. Yet, their outcomes are very different. Ok, enough buildup. Let's get to the story.


They first have to call a cab to their apartment. Then they go into the cab, and it just happens that the driver is a hot looking woman, and she invites Patrick to ride up in the front with her, and then quickly pulls off leaving ugly guy at the curb. Ugly guy is seen hollering from the back window, and running behind the cab... as if this is not the first time this has happened to him.

Then in front seat, the driver is all over Patrick, licking his face, his ears, saying she has never seen so one so hot. All the while he is trying to examine his travel documents ( fumbling with his papers, maybe forgot his passport?). But he is just trying to make sure he has everything, and paying no attention to the babe. The cab almost has an accident as the driver has lost all focus on the road, as instead it is on Patrick. Patrick is very seriously examining his papers,and taking no notice of this. Then the cab does eventually slam into another car, and ugly guy who has been running from behind, is now able to jump into the back seat. Looking back three other hot women are seen in the background also chasing the cab, and fighting each other trying to also get into the cab with Patrick.

We see flashing lights come in through the background. It's a police cruiser. Then a cop steps out, and comes over to the cab, and gosh, it is another hot woman ... go figure. She sees Patrick, and immediately pulls out the driver, handcuffs her and hauls her off to the back of the cruiser, so she can have a go at Patrick herself. Then instead of asking any questions about the accident, she starts licking him, as. In the meanwhile Patrick is talking to ugly guy, asking him where he was, and how they are going to make it to the airport.
Then the cop motions Patrick over to her police car, offering to take him to the airport with a flashing light escort. Two chicks on motorcyles, also pull up aside the car, to give it an escort.

She drives him to the airport, but again she is all over Patrick and without paying attention to the orad, smashes the cruiser into a barrier at the side of the road. So Patrick and ugly decide to just thumb a ride for the rest of the way, and thumb a ride. Luckily, this time a guy in a pickup truck pulls over, and they feel relief. They should safely get to the airport this way. No more nasty women.

But no luck, as the driver (a man) starts telling him how much he wants to dirty dance with him. Across the back of the truck he has a big collection of pictures of Patrick - this is even worse than with the women before!! So Patrick, says no, no, no, and just tells him to stop the car, and they will walk the rest of the way.

They are close to the airport now, so they are able to get into the terminal building without incident. Now again, the troubles start. Woman start coming up to Patrick, and kissing him, pulling at his nerdly clothes. Nothing going on for ugly guy. He can just watch, but he tries to pry one of the woman off Patrick, but then she slugs him, and he drops to the ground. Photographers are taking pictures, and especially the lovely air hostesses are inviting him into the executive lounge where they start dancing, and it turns into a nightclub, with lights and music, and they start dancing around Patrick. Ugly guy is left holding all the bags, nose bandaged up, black eyed, and waiting in line to check in behind fifty people.

Finally, they are checking in and walking onto their plane and gets seated. As the pilot sees Patrick with the cabin camera she must have him. Again a lovely babe ( even better than before), and she asks Patrick to come and see the cabin. Come sit in my seat ... you can fly the plane while I look at you - she says. She then takes of her captains hat, swishes her long bondle hair back, and puts the hat on Patrick, then begins to unbotton her blouse. Someone is getting hot, but it's not him. As Patrick sits in the pilots seat and grabs the control, the pilot brings him a drink to try and get him in the mood, and then starts kissing him.

You fly the plane, go on, its good. Patrick says that he doesn't know how to fly these planes, but she says no worries. Patrick focuses on the task at hand, paying little attention to the strong signals being sent by the woman. In the mean time the plane is wobbling side to side - the passesngers are panicing, but the pilot pays no attention. Ugly guy is trying to get into the cockpit, but the woman then slams the door on him, and locks it from the inside. The plane is now spiraling out of control, and Patrick is trying to straighten it, but unfortunatly in this sketch at least, he doesn't know how to fly aplane. Then she starts licking Patrick in the ears and mouth and sits on his lap as he is seriously trying to fly, but then as she is all over him, and so he cannot see in front of him, and has no idea where the plane is going, it crashes.

Sad Ending, but that's what happens when you're the world's most beautiful man. Life isn't as easy as it seems.


























June 14 2008