Best sleep jokes collected on the web

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra strong, sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to the boss. "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday & Tuesday?"

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish, I turned it on and went to sleep, the record got stuck, the next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

I wasn't sleeping. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one.

You know you should go to sleep when the sheep your counting start to hit the fence.